Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
