I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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