I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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