Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
