Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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