There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
