He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize