I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize