bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
two words: eviction party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
