Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
