He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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