Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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