I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
