Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
