Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
