is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
