smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize