i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
