I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
