I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
