How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
