Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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