The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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