I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
