Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
