I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
