My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You took a bar mat shot.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
