Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
