he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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