So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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