I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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