He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
