I'm jealous of your bromance
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
