you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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