I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
