Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
