Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
