i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
