I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize