just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.