My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck