Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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