there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
