my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
