All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
