I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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