Welp...herpes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
