i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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