Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
