Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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