Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
