He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
