literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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