Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
