Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
