i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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