She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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